Brilliant TU!

Peggy's Cove, Nova Scotia

INTRODUCTION:

It all started with the question: “Mom, what does sanctuary mean?”

I answered my little boy’s question using words and examples he would understand. When he seemed satisfied with the new information he had just learned, I went on to reflect on his question the rest of the way home.

HOW MY MIND WORKS:

What came to mind was movies I have watched where the protagonist seeks sanctuary in a cathedral and somehow the soldiers chasing her dare not enter. Then my kaleidoscope style of thinking jumped to varying images of buildings or spaces that offered protection. The image of Quasimodo in the Hunchback of Notre Dame, the Swan Sanctuary in Victoria, BC, the bird sanctuary somewhere in the middle part of Vancouver Island, monasteries the served as a refuge for different at- risk individuals throughout history. Finally, my mind landed on the different places where I have sought and found sanctuary.

A HOMEMADE WISH TRIP:

The first time I sought sanctuary during my trip across Canada with a truckload full of kids and pulling a trailer behind us was in a place called French River. We were traveling through Ontario. We had taken a wrong turn when trying to find our campsite, so we were driving later than usual. There were no safe places to stop and spend the night, and the kids were exhausted but plugged in (meaning I was letting them have their media devices). I was quickly looking for alternative spots to stop and I came across a motel that looked like it could work for us to park for the night. When we arrived though, they wouldn’t let us stay. As we were turned away, I felt a twinge of pain in my heart. Even though our situation was not even one percent the same as the sweet couple we think about every Christmas; still, I remembered that the young family was turned away over and over. I wondered what was running through Joseph’s head back then? I wondered what Mary felt as she braced herself for another rejection. As the Christmas season arrived, I continued to ponder on what sanctuary means to me and what is it that I consider a sanctuary.

When placed in the situation of experiencing houselessness and having our temporary accommodation when camping turn into our permanent accommodation, I felt so inadequate. What in the planning stages sounded cool and fun and adventurous, during implementation took so much extra energy. An expert spinner as I had to spin difficult things to Aven and the kids during the past couple of years she was in treatment, there I was again spinning. Trying to shield the children from the difficulties we inevitably had to face. Trying to “make room” in the scarcity of our space. That day in Ontario,

after a long, stressful drive, and
having gotten lost, and
being co-pilot in the dark, and
having a different comfort level with speed than our driver,

I took the rejection very personally. I felt such a heaviness and I felt like such a failure.

And as we tried to figure out our next steps, Aaron remembered that we had driven by a church. I hadn’t seen it because I was stressing out about driving in the dark. I told him we should go and see if the parking lot of the church looked ok for us to park for the night. When we got there we noticed a parish house attached to the church on the same property. Seeing the light on at the house, Aaron and I were prompted to go and ask if we might be given permission to stay in the parking lot. The pastor came to the door tentatively as anyone might be whose door is knocked on late at night. He seemed nervous, likely concerned about who was standing on the other side of the door. This pastor embodied the love of Christ and seeing strangers at his door asking in a sense for sanctuary, he did what all true followers of the great Redeemer should do or aspire to do. He did not turn us away. He let us stay. We camped out at Paroisse Notre-Dame-De-Lourdes in French River, Ontario. How blessed we felt! What a needed respite from worry and stress! What a blessed opportunity to sleep in a safe place! What an opportunity to rest the night and drive with confidence in daylight, rather than at night in a land we had never set foot on. Is it a coincidence that he was still awake at 11 pm? No…, I am certain it wasn’t. The children old enough to know what had happened when we took the wrong turn had decided to pray just as Aaron and I had. Our prayers were answered that night. This meeting in this place is etched in my memory forever. It seemed like every place we ended up, whether by design or by accident, God found one of his servants to bless us. There was someone to brighten our day or lighten our load.

Paroisse Notre-Dame-De-Lourdes, French River, ON

Here are a few more examples:

There was the college student we met in Vegreville, Alberta that took our photo by the giant Pysanka, even though these days people are afraid to make contact with each other or hold a stranger’s phone for instance. It meant so much to me that she took our photo.

There was the stranger from Lanigan, Saskatchewan who heard my husband asking the cashier at one of the gas stations in town if there was a water fill station we could go to. The campsite we stayed at had shut their water for the season so we only had what was left from the previous campsite and our regular drinking water totes. Without hesitation, and not knowing us, she offered to let us fill our tank at her home. Her husband who is the owner of a hardware store came to the house from the store. He noticed in his home’s security camera that a huge trailer had pulled into the driveway. No worries she said, drive safe. Her name is Marni. I left a blessing for her and her home and family in my secret prayer to the Lord.

Marni and her husband own this place, Lanigan, SK.

The gas station owner in Montmagny, Quebec that called the tow truck company when we got our trailer stuck on a pole and it had to be pulled sideways.

The retired Spanish couple in Ottawa that stopped to talk to us about our trip and gave us some tips on places to see.

Parliament Hill, Ottawa, ON

Niagara Falls, ON

My aunt and uncle who welcomed us into their home and made us all feel so loved with their kindness. As we left, my aunt loaded up our truck with supplies we might need and any food we could carry in grocery bags. She sent presents for the children to open at Christmas and a card with a gift for the three adults in the family. I left a blessing for my aunt and for my uncle and their family.

Tio Sarbe and Tia Carla, with my treasures

My future cousin-in-law who found a place for us to park the trailer that wasn’t too far from my uncle and aunt’s home.

My cousin and his beautiful wife who I hadn’t seen since their wedding day. Neither they nor I had met each other’s children. We were invited to dinner at their home, and it was such a warm and welcoming place. Their children all teenagers and young adults were such amazing humans! We were thrilled to know them. Their kindness and generosity were heart-warming and uplifting. We left a prayer and blessing for this beautiful family as well.

Hugo and Maria, and their beautiful family. I was a bridesmaid at their wedding.

The Maple Leaf Campground owner in St-Leonard-Parent, New Brunswick, who let us stay even though the campground was closed for the season! We left good wishes and we promised to return one day.

Maple Leaf Motel and Campground, St-Leonard-Parent, NB

BLAST FROM THE PAST: HURRICANE ALICIA

But getting back to my time seeking sanctuary. Probably because our stay at our church during a time of crisis is a key memory of my childhood, it was an easy move to seek the church in my adulthood.

There was the time when a hurricane tore the roof off our apartment when we were living in Houston Tx. I was terrified huddling on the hallway part or our apartment with my siblings as my parents rushed about getting a few things packed for us to take with us. A member of our faith came by to drive in front of us on the flooded roads because my father’s sedan likely would not make it without having someone ahead guiding us and helping part the waters. We reached the chapel where we attended church on Sundays. This church leader let us in and made sure we were settled in for the night. I remember there were a few families there, all seeking shelter, sanctuary during the terrible storm. The safety of the church brought a peaceful feeling amidst the raging winds and showers outside. Our parents showed us that the church was our refuge during a storm and could be a refuge and sanctuary from other kinds of storms as well.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints building, New Glasgow, NS

We hope that our children learn the same lesson. We hope that they know where to turn when they experience struggles, and we hope that they find strangers and friends who care.

BACK TO THE PRESENT:

On our trip across Canada, the next place we needed sanctuary was when we got to the outskirts of New Glasgow, Nova Scotia. That was supposed to be our stop for a few months and our attempt to live off grid. Aaron had sourced the location and had been in regular communication with the lady who was supposed to host us. As we crossed the Nova Scotia border, I started to feel like something might not be right. I told Aaron how I felt but he brushed it off thinking that I often overanalyze things. We started traveling to the location that was supposed to be our temporary home and came to a blocked off road and construction signs. Our host hadn’t told us about this obstacle. It would have been nice to know so we could re-plot our route. We ended up having to go on this long, windy and narrow detour. We took another wrong turn with this huge trailer and got to a dead end street!!! I had to get out of the truck and help Aaron back into a stranger’s driveway so we can turn the trailer. They make driveways thin here and there are ditches or culverts on either side. And there we were, trying to get our trailer out! IT was nuts! But we finally managed it (I am sure because of a merciful God in Heaven). Even though by this time my senses were on high alert, we continued our route. I again mentioned my mounting concern about the place we were supposed to end up in. I asked Aaron to check if our host had responded to any of our messages for that day. She hadn’t. Yet, we pressed on. We had come so far. When we arrived at the destination, we put our 4-way flashers on stayed on the side of the road. She had previously told Aaron in that she thought we could back into their driveway. Knowing exactly how I was then feeling Aaron walked into the property to check it out on foot first. That is when his heart sank and he came to the same conclusion that I had come to 3 hours earlier. This was not going to work. They hadn’t cleared the land like they said they would. There was no level area to put the trailer on and what land there was had holes and uneven ground everywhere! Our trailer would bottom out if we tried to back in or pull in there! We were very disappointed and very tired.

It was getting late and the sun was starting to set. Knowing that the nearest town with a church building from our faith was in New Glasgow, we drove in that direction. We prayerfully arrived at the church building and parked the truck and trailer at the back of the parking lot. Our kids were getting hungry so I started to make dinner while Aaron went inside to find the church leader in the area. The only people in the building were doing family history, but they called the New Glasgow branch president for Aaron. Within minutes, President Macdonald arrived at the church. He was calm and collected…cool as cucumber. You would think that he got a request from a member family traveling across Canada with a truck full of kids and a 29-foot trailer all the time! This loving disciple of Christ let Aaron plug our trailer in at the church and told him we could stay the night at the church parking lot so we could regroup and start to implement plan B. It was too late to keep driving so we set up for the night and got all devices charged up with the church’s power. As Aaron moved our trailer to a better location in the parking lot, the branch president invited the children to a church activity that coming Friday night! He stayed with us until Aaron was done moving the trailer and offered to ask around in his group of members to see if anyone had a spot to rent to us. This church building, this sanctuary was home for a few days while we finalized our new temporary place.

DAVID:

In the end, we found an amazing host in a place called Upper Branch just outside of Bridgewater, Nova Scotia. Among the many things he is, this man is a business leader, community activist, entrepreneur, philanthropist and haskap berry farmer. His heart is made of gold. His business partner put us in contact with David. Because of him we have a soft landing in our experience with off grid living. He has gone above and beyond what we hoped, and we have been given time to try a few different scenarios as we wait for Spring and the next leg of our journey. This sanctuary is a peaceful retreat.

FOR THOSE WE LOVE AND WHO LOVE US:

We know that how we are living is worrisome to our family and to some of our friends. We know it isn’t mainstream as our daughter’s neuropsychologist diplomatically put it. And it seems an odd choice for people with the cloud of cancer hanging over their heads. We know that it is tough, and I can’t sugar-coat and say it is otherwise. We know that if we had come on the trip earlier in the year it would have been easier. But MRIs can’t be pushed back in most situations, let alone Aven’s, so we stayed in Alberta long enough for her latest scan and then came to explore the rest of Canada! We are trying to seize the moment. Why wait?

We are blessed to be close enough to the IWK Health Center in Halifax whose oncology team is going to work with the team at the Stollery Children’s Hospital in Edmonton. After all, it is the same country. There are similarities in health care between provinces. It isn’t a perfect health system here or anywhere but there are checks in place so that someone like Aven doesn’t fall through the cracks. And Aven has an army of family and friends wishing her well and praying for her healing.

She is having a blast. She LOVED visiting family in Markham, Ontario. She asked if I would let her stay with my aunt Carla and uncle Sarbelio through a summer vacation! The children are getting to see different ways of living. They are learning that they can be just as happy with a cupboard of selected toys as they were with a room full of toys. They are learning survival skills from a dad who loves them and daily works hard to give them what they need. They are developing friendships and adapting to other customs and slang. Although they are going without some first world comforts, they are little fighters who don’t give up. The three middle ones have started a club called Mom’s SOS (a mother’s helper service) and they hand out coupons to any young mother with a baby or small child with the hope that they will be called upon to “help” another mother.

They were “road-schooling” but requested to attend a school here to experience something they haven’t had a chance to experience in almost 2 years. Boy, did they luck out! They are attending a small rural school with amazing teachers, teachers’ assistants, cafeteria staff, administrators and health personnel. The school has fantastic playgrounds (a must for Martin kids), a teepee in the field and a forest to explore in! When the principal was talking about the school, she just had to mention forest playground and I was in. I finally trusted the universe with my children once more. I let them go into a school and spend time with amazing people like the ones from our beloved Onoway Elementary School. It wasn’t easy and I felt a little triggered from some things in the past with Aven, but I managed.

Ready for their first day of school, NS

A FRIEND FROM MY PAST:

At church I reconnected with a talented woman who was my friend when I was in the young single adult ward (singles worship group) in Burnaby, B.C.! I didn’t know she lived here!!! In the church group we ended up in. Coincidence? No. I don’t think so.

She introduced us to her beautiful family and invited us to an outdoor dinner at her home. She put me in contact with a family that can potentially mentor us as we learn about off gridding. There are families who have included us in activities for the children, invited us to their homes even though we are such a large crowd. We have been welcomed by a kind and loving group of members. Recently a retired couple came to our aid when Gigi and I were in a single car accident. Because of the weather, there were no cabs available to bring us to where we are staying. The tow truck driver dropped us off at a Timmy’s and this couple left their home on a terrible driving day and came to pick us up and drop us back at our trailer! So very kind. As always, the people in our faith have made the difference between feeling the sting of isolation and understanding that while we may feel alone, we are not alone.

Trunk or Treat organized by members of the Bridgewater Ward, Wileville, NS

ONE FUTURE FAMILY GOAL:

Our kids would love to keep traveling outside of Canada, but that is not a possibility at this time. Maybe when Aven is at the 2-year scan phase. Maybe when the world is rid of the pandemic or the governments are able to manage it mor effectively. Maybe then.

This trip is allowing the family to reset. To feel liberated. Like traveling to Latin America as a family, traveling across Canada as a family was on our bucket list. And more than most, we have present in our minds how short life can be. How very precious is our time on this earth and how important our experiences with our children are. It hasn’t been easy. We seem to always have unexpected things happen in multiples. But just as our challenges are many so are our blessings. I can see the different outcomes and consider our possibilities. There are things that continue to weigh on my mind and to weary my heart. But everyday I get to look out at the field where the berries are wintering and the forest where the wind lets the trees be still or offers them a melody to dance to. I connect with my thoughtful friends from back home and am blessed by new friendships out here. I lean on my mom and sisters. I talk to my God. I cherish my kids. I persevere with my eternal companion. We continue to choose each other.

MY SANCTUARY:

I understand how sanctuary can be a place, like a temple or church or place of worship. It can be a country that offers asylum or a safe location that offers a welcome. And for me, it can also be a people. My sanctuary is wherever my family is.