PASS THE GUIRO: Embracing Reality and Learning to Laugh at Yourself

When I was around 6 years old, my mom and dad used to work a couple of different jobs each to support our family. The one my dad loved to do was the music gig on evenings and weekends. He had learned to play guitar from my maternal grandfather, a musician who played the mandolin and the guitar. My dad loved to sing and when he started courting my mom, he and Payito (mom's dad) would jam together. Dad taught his son Erick (who has a lovely tenor/baritone voice), to play guitar and bass. My sister Yancy, who sings beautifully, can play just about any instrument you put in front of her. My younger sister Emery, who also sings beautifully, plays piano, trumpet, and other stuff. Although I learned to play a little violin, as you can tell by my expression in the photo above, I knew I would always be the "guiro player" in our family.

DISCOVERY

If I had been born into a less finanially challenged family, the issue of my tone-deaf singing and mediocre playing could have been fixed by getting voice lessons and continuing the Suzuki Method of violin through private classes. However, as my older sister and I had started taking violin lessons through a music program at the inner-city school we attended in Houston, Tx, once we changed schools, that opportunity was lost. I had been "playing" for about 3 years when I realized that while my sister could read the music, it was all hieroglyphics to me. She would "translate" the music for me into G, D, A, and E strings with the 1,2,3, and sometimes 4 fingering places. Yancy could also play by ear. Dad would tell her what the song sounded like and she would play it, stop to translate for me, and then go on to blow us all out of the water with her raw talent.

PLAYING IN PUBLIC

Those who know me best, know that I am not comfortable in the spotlight. Luckily for me, my older sister lights up a room when she walks into it. SO, while I was "encouraged" by my dad to play in public often during my childhood and adolescence, I was not in my element. I knew that if I was playing with my sister, I would always be playing second fiddle (pun intended). AND, I loved being the Robin to her Batman. I looked to her for cues for when we had to start. I learned to follow her and watch her fingering. Because I have a good memory, I often memorized the music. When playing in front of other people, I only managed to not cry because she was with me. I knew that if I messed up, her awesomeness would take over and cover up my mistakes. I stood behind her when we where scolded for not doing a good job and she always took the emotional "blows" on my behalf. She was an amazing sister, one like no other. And she is my hero to this day.

BEING THE "GUIRO" PLAYER

When you're the guiro player, you are the much loved (actually, sometimes loved) but often pacified member of a band. Maybe you are related to the band manager or to the star of the band. Maybe you have invested in the band or are good at fundraising or have really good connections, so the band gives you a token instrument. Or you show up late for band practice and have to take the instrument that nobody else wants. Because (no offence to guiro players) it is SO boring! Something you CANNOT mess up. When you are the guiro player, you just have to know how to follow. And I am an AWESOME follower.

While there was never really a choice about whether I would play or not in my years at home, I did have a choice about how I would cope. I could have been bitter while surrounded by so much talent and having my talents in other areas instead of music. That would have been easy. I could have been jealous, that would have been a bit harder because my siblings are so cool. I could have been crushed and my self esteem could have plummeted. That would have been typical for my age (I was not your typical teenager). I could have been a robot and just have gone through the paces, BUT I love music and I rocked on instead!

WHAT I LEARNED

1.     Finding My Place - When we sang together and there were parts, I always sang with one of my sisters and the two of them did the magical harmony thing that singers do. I just followed one of them and faked the ranges I could not reach.

2.     Focus on What I was Good At - I learned that while I was a bit absent-minded when it came to music, I was extremely methodical when it came to planning, implementing a program or organizing behind the scenes.

·        I am also a great listener

·        I have a compassionate heart

·        I am creative and resourceful

·        I am loyal and an expert faith builder

·        I am a skilled negotiator and problem solver

·        I am a dancing queen

3.     Be Grateful - Early on I accepted the fact that I kind of missed the music talent train and decided to just go with the flow. I learned to enjoy listening to my family share their talents and being grateful that I could just stand in their midst. Having a grateful heart meant other perspectives came into view more easily.

4.     Laugh at Myself - I learned to laugh at myself as I awkwardly attempted to move in the same circle as players that were out of my league. This would help me later on in life too because laughing can be a de-stressor, de-escalator, and can promote healing.

5.     Don’t Give Up - I learned not to give up on myself just because I didn't shine the same way they did. Diversity is a wonderful gift that we have been given while traveling on this journey on earth.

So if you find yourself in the position of being the "guiro player", embrace that reality and learn to laugh about it. And if you are unhappy with it, you can always change it or wait it out. For example, when we had newborn twins, Aaron's and my reality was that we only ever got about an hour and a half of sleep at a time. We couldn't change that reality, we had to wait it out. However, when our reality was that Aaron was not done his degree and we already had Gigi, we decided to work really hard and make some sacrifices in leisure and comforts, for him to be able to do night school and distance courses over several years. Very slowly but surely we changed that reality.

Something that helped us and has blessed my life is the gift of laughter. By laughing at myself and understanding that I have different things to bring to the table than others might, I have made peace with my shortcomings. I aged out of being the "guiro player" in my family. In my home now, by laughing in general and allowing ourselves to be joyful inside, we have hope even during challenging times. Because, if we can laugh at ourselves and embrace our cicumstances, we can become more resilient, more ready to learn from our experiences, and more willing to change our reality or wait it out.

Yancy singing while dad's students played.
Bolivar, El Salvador

Erick jamming with dad.
Houston, Texas

I am in pink, opposite my sister so I could watch and follow her.
Vancouver, British Columbia

Dad, Jimmy and I
Onoway, Alberta