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| "Staffs together, fight forever!" is their slogan. |
The past year and half, we have spent protecting our child who crushed cancer, as well as our other children from insensitive questions, overbearing "intruders", and ANYTHING negative. It was a tremendous feat but we felt it was important for our daughter Aven to be surrounded by light and goodness. We ensured we held space for her though to explore difficult emotions and fears. We didn't bring up difficult conversations, only allowed her and the other children to bring them up if they chose to.
We were told by child psychologists, counselors, social workers and child life specialists that we shouldn't burden our child (and her siblings) with more information than was asked.
Because of this, many current events that took place between January 2019-May 2020 were not really discussed at home.
In an attempt to get a sense about what our children understood about racism, we picked one of our family fun nights to discuss race, discrimination, protests, and solutions.
The Lesson:
Doctrine and Covenants 18:10
(Doctrine and Covenants is a book of Scripture used by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints)
We started our discussion about race with this scripture. We mentioned that it doesn't say: The worth of white souls is great or the worth of souls that have perfect bodies is great... It just says the worth of souls is great in the sight of God. So in God's view, all are equal. To God, EVERY single soul is of great worth.
We showed them a video clip that shows teacher and anti-racism activist Jane Elliot's sharing a part of what racism feels like, with her class of third graders. That generated a lot of discussion about feelings and gratitude for the love they feel at home.
After sharing a "Martin kid" appropriate version of what happened to George Floyd, we showed them a short clip of the Sesame Street video where Elmo learns about protests.
As they asked more questions about protests, Aven remembered a book called "The Day The Crayons Quit" by Drew Daywalt and rushed to her bookshelf to get it. She used the book to explain what she understood about why protests happen. It was a way for her to make sense of why people were shouting "BLACK LIVES MATTER!" and she likened the 'Black Lives Matter' protests to the protests the crayons embarked on when they wanted change.
We continued the discussion by formally introducing the word racism.
I then made what I felt like was a big mistake. I could have just kept the conversation about current events, but my own fears surfaced, and instead of sheltering them like I always do, I shared my fears with my kids.
I explained how in the area where we live, when I buy something on Marketplace or on Kijiji and I have to pick up at someone's home, I always ask Aaron to pick up instead. The reason is that I am afraid that a member of the family who may not know that I have e-transferred cash to pay for an item, might think I am stealing and may shoot me.
Then I mentioned how Aaron, their dad was white and I was brown. And that some white people think they are better than brown or black people. Sometimes the white people know that they think that and other times, white people don't realize that they feel they are better.
And I explained how racism or discrimination might show up on the playground. Maybe getting picked last or not at all in a team. Or not finding a partner for partner activities or not being invited to some activities or parties.
And one of my sweet, empathetic children looked at me with a worried expression and nervously asked:
Mom, what is my skin color? Will they kill me?
UGH!!!! And my heart sunk and I felt like a failure because now I had planted fear in her previously unworried mind.
And then it hit me. I MADE A CHOICE TO SHARE THIS PART OF LIFE WITH MY KIDS...
So many mothers, so many, don't have that choice. They either prepare their kids to be wary of police and White people or they risk losing them.
While my kids might experience discrimination or unconscious biases against them; while they might experience or witness racism when they are out with me, the chance of them having the same threat to their lives as black children face is not comparable.
Kids Reactions:
Having seen their sister Aven use a book to understand some new concepts, Lily and Jimmy went in search of the following books:
"Don't Laugh At Me" by Allen Shamblin and Steve Seskin
and
"Jungle Bullies" by Steven Kroll
and
"New Testament Stories", The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints
The children associated racism with bullying. They know that bullies treat people that look different in unkind ways. So they felt that racist people who are unfair to people of color are bullies.
And with the grace of seasoned, loving souls, they still could see a way to redemption for the "bullies".
Lily decided to write a poem and titled it:
Bully Bulletin
When I am bullied, I am tied in a rope.
When I stand up for others,
I set them free.
Where do bullies come from?
Mean Mansion.
What about kind people who help other people?
Kindness Castle
Kind People: Bullies:
You are You're still special
special but you
and brave need to change
K (for kindness) Please Change
K (ditto) Please Change
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| Lily's handwritten poem |
Notes:
- Our conversation was started as a way to explore what our children know and understand about racism or protests or discrimination.
- We will be continuing to share with them because, since having this dialogue I have found more amazing resources.
- A few are listed below and I WELCOME other suggestions.
- I recognize that each parent will choose when and how to introduce certain themes and topics to their children.
- In our home video, I asked the kids to give their own ideas about each of the questions I posed to them.
- While my twins are avid readers, my son's only point of reference is the faith he is taught at home. Upon seeing his sisters sharing their knowledge of the books that came to mind, he wouldn't be left behind. He pulled out what he does know by heart. Scripture Stories.
Conclusion:
I know that for many people, it is not comfortable to have these discussions within their families. I feel grateful that in some circles there is a genuine desire to understand the experiences faced by black people and people of color.
For me it isn't enough to be devastated by what happened to George Floyd and many other black people around the world, I feel like I have to speak up.
This video details what our 4 youngest kids think:
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| They go on missions with their staffs. Here they are exploring "Mt Kilimanjaro" and "Mt Everest" |
References:
Daywalt, Drew, and Oliver Jeffers. The Day the Crayons Quit, HarperCollins Children's Books, 2016.
Parr, Todd, It's Ok To Be Different, Little Brown and Company 2009
Kroll, Steven. Jungle Bullies, Two Lions, 2006
Additonal Resources:
